Forgive me if my writing and/or spelling is sloppy. It's 5 in the AM right now... Can't sleep. Again. Been having problems sleeping for the last two weeks. Thought I'd throw a new post out there. Just finished watching American Beauty. Fantastic movie. Just fantastic. An absolute masterpiece.
Not sure why I can't sleep. Probably a combination of things. I can't figure out what seems to be wrong, but I can't help but feel like something's missing. Not sure what it is. I feel almost, constricted, bound, cornered. I shouldn't feel like there's things I can't do. I am an adult, right? Wrong. I am nothing but me. The term adult is but a mere title. But what use is a title that is given, and not earned? I shouldn't be labeled when I hit a certain age. I shouldn't be bound to what I can, or can't do by age. Age is just a state of mind, right? Wrong. Age is just a number. Something created by man. I don't believe I was put here to be counted on like a calendar. Or to follow a set path, or a certain set of rules.
I believe I was put here, to simply enjoy life.
Titles, labels, numbers. All useless. All created by us. To make ourselves feel better, and more secure. Was there not life before all of these simple markers? Now I know society is set up in a way where all of these things are necessary for co-existence... but why do things have to be this way? Why is greed such a powerful human emotion? Why can't everybody just be satisfied with being content?
Life is short. Why can't we just enjoy it now? We don't know how things are going to end (or when for that matter). You can't take your money with you when you die, and the same goes for all of your meager possessions. None of this matters. This computer, this bed, this room, these words. None of it. There is no purpose, but to enjoy life. Unfortunately things are not so simple. We all suffer from the human condition. What a horrible reality. There are ways to temporarily escape, but it is just a mere tease until we're finally set free. "What do you mean?" you ask? I don't quite know. What I do know is that something will happen one day. To each and every one of us. When? I have no idea. Just be patient.
So, maybe it's normal to feel the way I feel. Maybe it's not. I have no idea anymore. Nor, do I even want to know. Who really cares? It's not important. I just want to enjoy life. Unfortunately there are things that limit my enjoyment. Something I like to call "Life". Although life can be enjoyable, it can also be a pain. Life doesn't care about your plans. Your hopes, your dreams, your aspirations. Life happens. Deal with it. I have completely checked out. I feel almost as if there is nothing left to worry about. It could be worse right? Of course it could. It always could be...
I'll probably just pull an all-nighter. At this point, I'm passed the point of no return anyway. I continue to scratch my noggin'. Ugh...
Why am I here?!
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someone needs a hug :(
ReplyDeleteI know it seems your depressed, but how can you be when there's so much, beauty in the world
ReplyDeleteand that whole part about our meager possesions, sounds a whole lot like Fight Club philosophie q:
thats right, I'm trying out the joking tongue face qith a 'q', sue me
my advise with your insomnia, go to self help groups, you know, men with testicular cancer and all, maybe start up a club with your schizoprenic buddy, help ventilate anger ;) whatever works man, that or just chill man, relax, you really wanna fall asleep, go watch 2001: A space odyssey... q:
That's because I wasn't there to cuddle you up that night :P
ReplyDeleteAnd this is super depressing...since when have you been thinking like this? hmm...There's a difference between laid-back and hating life completely. You make it sound like life is super shit and that there is nothing that you can do to make it better.
Smile love. Smile.